What I learnt about coping with uncertainty
I've been trying for just over a week now to write this blog and the truth is, I have been struggling. I don't like uncertainty and here I am trying to write a blog on it. That was never going to be easy was it? I'm taking it back to basics. It'll possibly be a little autobiographical. It will definitely be honest and will certainly tell you, the reader - something about me. I've questioned whether I am doing the right thing but I've settled on the fact that I cannot expect those around me to be genuine and authentic, if I'm not prepared to do the same. I'm quite an anxious person. I can't remember a time when this wasn't the case. Before the age of 14 I couldn't name it as 'anxiety' but that is what it was. Seeing the world through a lens of anxiety just became normal. I didn't even notice it. I think I manage it quite well now because I face things head on but living with uncertainty still provokes familiar feelings in me. I am a worrier. It makes what I do kind of ironic because here I am helping others to feel less anxious, less depressed and be their 'best versions of themselves' whilst, at times, battling with the same feelings myself.
How do I handle uncertainty which can create anxiety in me? I embrace it. I see it coming and I talk to myself (mostly in my head but sometimes out-loud! ... and by the way, it's fine!) I acknowledge it's there and I welcome it. It's part of me. I have learned that if I continue to try and push it away or deny it's existence, I will end up in a battle. Somehow I learned to be anxious, it served me well at one time. Somehow it kept me safe but now it just gets in the way but rather than fight it if I move with the anxiety and listen to what it is trying to tell me I relax more, do stuff without getting uptight, my confidence increases; I get more done because I'm not constantly spiraling down a worry tunnel coming up with every possible scenario and then trying to figure out a solution.
I'm always saying "with awareness comes change" and I know this to be the case because I have experienced it first hand. I can't ever know exactly what your experience will be because I'm not you but I can try to understand your world from your perspective. I have found that I don't notice the anxious thoughts because they are normal for me but when I make a conscious effort to be aware of them, to notice them and accept them - I can start to change those thoughts. Whether it's depression, anxiety, loss or something else, I can help you by helping you become aware of patterns of relating to yourself, others and the world around you. Empowered with awareness, you can choose to change these and this will help you live the life you want.
It might be "They are unhappy because I don't do enough, I'm not home enough. It's my fault" Maybe your way of coping is to withdraw, maybe push harder at work. Perhaps, you aren't aware that you do this? With awareness comes change, you learn that your pattern is to withdraw, become more able to communicate in healthier ways rather than withdrawing leading to healthier, happier relationships.